Are you noticing a decline in your sexual energy? From being overly ambitious in the bedroom to managing life with pets, experts reveal habits you might not realize are affecting your sex life—and how you can improve it.
**Is Your Bedroom a Mess?**
“Clutter can significantly impact libido,” says sex educator Portia Brown. “An unorganized space can lead to stress, which doesn’t foster a fulfilling sex life.” Instead of enjoying intimacy, you might find yourself distracted by laundry. Men’s sex coach Cam Fraser recommends transforming your bedroom into a “little sanctuary.” He suggests taking five minutes to tidy up before engaging in sexual activities—putting away dirty clothes and making the bed can create a more inviting environment. He also emphasizes the importance of avoiding discussions about errands or to-do lists while you’re in bed.
**Are You Cuddling Too Much?**
If one partner desires constant cuddling, the other may feel overwhelmed, leading to a disconnection. Therapist Natasha Silverman from Relate explains, “One partner pulling away can intensify the other’s need for closeness, creating an unhealthy cycle.” She reassures us that this dynamic is common and not a sign of a failing relationship. Cuddling preferences can change over time, so instead of making assumptions, she suggests simply asking your partner, “Is this okay? Do you enjoy this?” If cuddling is becoming a strain, allowing your partner some space may encourage them to reconnect.
**Is Your ‘Sexual Currency’ Low?**
Miranda Christophers, a psychotherapist, defines “sexual currency” as those flirtatious moments—like kisses and lingering looks—that build intimacy outside the bedroom. A lack of these affectionate gestures can take a toll on your sexual confidence. If you’re unsure how to reignite sexual touch, think back to what felt comfortable before and introduce those actions gradually. Christophers suggests having light-hearted conversations about what each of you enjoys to create a more receptive atmosphere.
**Are You Initiating Sex Effectively?**
Sex educator Karen Gurney underscores the importance of ensuring your partner responds positively to your initiation style. Often, people don’t communicate their preferences for how intimacy should begin. When one person always takes the lead, the other may feel undesired. Open conversations about how each of you prefers to initiate intimacy can help bridge this gap.
**Are Pets Interfering?**
“Anything that distracts can disrupt sexual response,” Gurney points out. Many clients report that pet interruptions during intimacy are a common source of frustration. For those starting new relationships, it’s wise to discuss pet policies before becoming physically intimate. Established couples should establish boundaries. If you’re dealing with a disruptive pet, Christophers recommends working together to manage distractions and finding ways to reconnect after any interruptions.
**Is Your Workout Too Intense?**
Exercise is important, but excessive workouts can negatively impact your libido. Justin Lehmiller from the Kinsey Institute indicates that long, taxing workouts can lead to fatigue and hormonal changes that diminish sexual desire. Consider balancing your workout routine and stay alert for signs of overexertion, such as low energy or disrupted sleep.
**Are You Waiting Too Long for Intimacy?**
Joan Price, a seasoned sex educator, encourages couples to reconsider when they engage in sexual encounters. She explains that blood flow redirected to digestion can make arousal and climax harder to achieve. Instead, she suggests engaging in sexual activity when your energy levels are high, like earlier in the day or before dinner.
**Is High Blood Pressure a Barrier?**
High blood pressure can greatly affect sexual function, leading to issues such as insufficient lubrication for women and difficulties maintaining erections for men. Dr. Shirin Lakhani emphasizes that managing blood pressure through diet, exercise, and possibly medication is crucial for a healthy sex life.
**Are You Trying Too Hard to Be Adventurous?**
Sexual therapist Emily Jamea advises couples to gradually ease into new sexual activities. If new experiences feel overwhelming, stress responses can overshadow excitement. Consider making “Yes, no, maybe” lists to help explore boundaries and ease into shared interests.
**Do You Have a Growth Mindset About Sexual Intimacy?**
Embracing a growth mindset means partners are open to learning and adapting sexually. Regular discussions about desires can foster intimacy and satisfaction. Price recommends starting conversations with positive affirmations about your current experiences before addressing areas for improvement.
**Are You Lacking New Experiences Together?**
Couples who seek new experiences outside the bedroom often enhance their sexual interactions. Silverman points out that injecting excitement into your overall relationship can invigorate intimacy. Approach your partner about exploring new activities together, framing your desires as opportunities for connection rather than criticism.
**Are You Open to Feedback?**
Effective sexual communication involves both expressing needs and being open to your partner’s thoughts. Price suggests creating a supportive dialogue about what works for both of you sexually, emphasizing that adapting based on feedback can enhance mutual satisfaction. Instead of becoming defensive, try remaining curious and asking for specifics to refine your intimate connections.
By exploring these aspects of your relationship, you can pave the way for a more fulfilling and vibrant sex life.
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